May 25th - last day of school 2011-2012... Lucy and I are sitting at the kitchen table finishing up her project - labeling "The Big Map" of the United States as she likes to call it - and I have this intense conversation with God.
GOD - "You need to share this with other people!"
"SHARE WHAT???"
GOD - "You need to write a blog about your journey so far. Share what I have done and I am doing in your family!"
"God, there are SO many bloggers... I mean EVERYONE blogs now! And especially parents with children with autism. I am NOBODY. My blog will get lost in the sea of blogs. YES, this journey has been nothing short of a miracle! But, who am I?"
GOD - "NO, the question is, WHO AM I? I want to use your story to HELP someone!" (I felt like we were renacting Moses and the Burning Bush!) "I will tell you what to write."
I know better than to disobey. And so, here it is. MY BLOG. (It sounds ugly doesn't it?) I have actually avoided doing this. There were times when I thought that I really should be writing our experiences down so I would not forget it, but at the same time, some things were so painful and raw, I didn't want to relive it again in writing!
But, something has happened lately. I have truly benefitted from reading other people's blogs and books (like Carly's Voice) about their journeys. I actually watched "Autism the Musical" and it didn't hurt at all! AND, I have plans to watch the movie about Temple Grandin's life soon. (We have owned the movie for the past 3 years and despite other people's encouragement, NEVER watched it!) My excuses in the past for avoiding these things was "Hey, I LIVE it!!! I don't need to watch someone else's struggle!"
Please do not get me wrong! Anyone who knows me knows how positive my outlook on things generally is (to the point of driving some people crazy!). In fact, "Pollyanna" is my nickname in some circles. That is precisely why I think this IS so difficult! I do not want to sound like I am complaining! I rarely show other people the "struggle part" of our life. (Who does???) The sad thing is, by not sharing that very often, I am afraid I come off like I think I am a super woman or something. People say to me, "God only chooses 'special people' to give children with special needs!" Well, there have been several times I have thought He made a BIG mistake! (There you go Marty! That's transparent!:) We'll talk more about that later...
I know one reason God wants me to do this is so that our family can TRULY help other people! By being totally transparent, giving the WHOLE story and not just the victories, people will see HOW TRULY MIRACULOUS it is that we have already come as far as we have! ONLY GOD CAN DO THIS! He truly is ENOUGH...
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