Christmas time is usually steeped in tradition. I have always tried to think of ways to celebrate the holiday everyday between Thanksgiving and the New Year. But every year is different and I have tried to live by my parents' example and be careful about being TOO traditional and to not get too upset if we can't do what we have done every year. I think God does like tradition as long as we don't become comfortable in it. Even from an early age God has given me the ability to be flexible. I have even taught a different grade every year... and I have liked that!
I say all of that because when you have kids with special needs, you need to be flexible! This is true with any kids, but especially true for us. God knew I would need to be able to be happy even when we have had to change plans at the last minute to accommodate our kids. I have learned this painful lesson over time. Every parent of a special child has to. The first time it hits you, you feel devastated. "My kid is DIFFERENT. My life will BE DIFFERENT. We cannot do what other families do. Things that other families take for granted will be impossible for us." This is reality. Other people DON'T fully understand this. They can't. They try. Some people might think they understand - therapists, special ed teachers, counselors, doctors, even family members, etc... - BUT THEY DON'T! Not until you have walked IN MY SHOES, lived my life, everyday, 24 hours a day, you CANNOT FULLY UNDERSTAND what we face. This is true for all of us. We judge EVERYONE too quickly... God, please give us compassion for others and admit that we DO NOT KNOW what anyone truly faces everyday.
I pray that this blog will comfort others who walk this same road and let them know THEY ARE NOT ALONE. I pray that everyone else will learn something... that you will understand more about us... that you will be moved to pray and HELP people who face these challenges everyday.
Here is a recent example...
Lucy Kate has taken dance for the last four years (a wonderful testimony in itself!). We have been AMAZED at what God has helped her to do and I will share more about that later! There is a long list of reasons WHY she should not be able to do this. She has participated in every summer recital (only by God's GRACE), but she has never been able to participate in the smaller one at Christmas. It has always been TOO MUCH. By too much, I am sure you understand about December in general being crazy busy with practices and everything. But also because it was held at Mount Sterling Elementary where she attended Kindergarten and part of the day in 1st grade. IN THE GYM. Where whistles are blown and general chaos goes on everyday. Lots of people. Lots of sounds. Lots of smells. TOO MUCH. She usually runs from that room in terror! Last year she would even get upset if we pulled into the parking lot! I hoped that one day she would be able to participate, and I prayed.
Last year, when we were doing monthly prayer walks at the schools, she would go with me. She began to understand that the buildings were empty and safe on the weekend. She loved walking the halls and I could hear her praying with us.
So, this year, when Ms. Kelly started talking about which song her class would do for Christmas, I felt like God wanted me to begin to talk to Lucy Kate about doing it. To talk about it as if SHE WAS GOING TO PARTICIPATE. She seemed excited from the very first day, and as I have learned about my kids, if they get excited and motivated, they usually figure out how to cope with the things that would normally bother them and hinder them from doing something. Also, because it was TIME, God's will and time for her to do it, He will give her the GRACE (power and strength) to do it. It helped that the song Ms. Kelly had chosen was Lucy's favorite, "The Little Drummer Boy". She even asked Santa for a set of drums for Christmas this year. She had been in the basement everyday, listening to KLOVE, and beating on anything that made a satisfying noise for the past year. Santa came through with a set of electronic drums and headphones to control the volume!
There are several opportunities for them to actually perform the dance - the Homemaker's Bazaar, the nursing home, etc... I felt like we were supposed to shoot for the actual recital. I told grandparents and family about the date and time, but I also warned them that we may not know for sure if she would actually get up on that stage and DO THE DANCE until that night. Maybe not even until the music started. I knew because of past experience to not get too determined that she would do it, and that was OKAY. This was an experience to build on. As I said in my facebook status about that night, "the first time is always the hardest".
I also began to work on some kind of "drum" for the girls to use during part of the song and something for them to use in their hair that would help complete their costumes. All in faith. All in hope that she WOULD DANCE.
On the night of the recital, all evidence pointed to "GO!" and so we went! Our dear friend and babysitter, Ashley, went with us. I brought makeup, and sparkle spray because to Lucy recital is not recital without "sparkles"! :) We arrived and she went right into the building without any problem. YAY! We went in the gym and let her explore a bit. The stage was decorated beautifully and there was already a good number of people there. So far, so good. Then we went to the bathroom to finish getting ready, and to my horror, I realized we had forgotten her ballet shoes!!! This was a BIG DEAL. Some of you will understand how the slightest detail could set their child off and it could result in a breakdown. I prayed silently and told Lucy Kate about it. I assured her that it was early and that Daddy could save the day (as he often does!) and go home to get them. That would be a 30 minute trip with good traffic conditions and her dance was like the 8th on the list. Daddy agreed (poor Daddy!) and off he went! In the meantime, we saw her classmates and took a few pictures. I could tell she was a little anxious, but God was helping her to have peace.
When the recital began, she wanted to be in the gym with her friends, just like everybody else. I KNEW this might not be a good idea, but I wanted to give her a chance. I explained that Ms. Kelly was going to use a microphone (for those of you who don't know, Lucy has SUPER SENSITIVE ears. It is the biggest thing we deal with on an everyday basis) and I followed her in. As soon as Ms. Kelly started, she screamed LOUDLY, jumped up, and ran out of the gym. I helped her calm down, and we watched the first couple of songs from the doors. While we were waiting, Daddy arrived with the shoes. When she realized Ms. Kelly was not going to use the microphone again, we went in and sat down with the other girls! Shew. This is BIG. It wasn't long ago that she could not trust that something that upset her would not happen again. We would have had to leave in the middle of something and not go back. (Examples to come later...)
There was a big list of the songs hanging on the wall and she was counting down until it was her turn. This is also a BIG deal. Most children with autism NEED to know what is happening next so they know what to expect. SURPRISES are not welcome! We like routine... sameness is comforting. (Again, I will explain more later...)
Finally, it was time. She got up and followed the other girls onto the stage. She looked so beautiful up there... LOVELY!
If you watch closely, you can see that she gets upset when she makes her first mistake, but she held herself together and finished the dance! She didn't let loose and cry until the end. "Lucy make mistakes Mom!!!" When the clapping died down, I was still up front hugging her, comforting her... "I am sooo proud of you Lucy! You did great! Don't be upset. We all make mistakes!" Everyone heard her, and they began to clap for her again!!! We hurried off the stage and I could not hold back the tears! The support in the room was amazing! Most of the parents understand now what a BIG accomplishment this is for her and we are SO BLESSED by them.
And so, SHE DID IT! Another big accomplishment made possible only by the strength she has in Christ Jesus! Another testimony of HIS amazing grace in her life. (I have to add that she also learned a dance for the candlelight service at our church with the other girls her age, and performed that two nights later!) ALL GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST! There was peace and goodwill for Lucy!
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