This is important because what happened with me affected my children, Michael, my whole life! Right in the middle of discovering what was going on with my kids, I FINALLY started to do what I needed to do to deal with my own problems. I had struggled with my weight since I was very young, but it had gotten to a desperate point. If I was going to be able to be there for my family, to fulfill this calling of caring for my very special kids, and be healthy and strong, something had to give!
This is me holding Lucy, May 2003.
This is me and Lucy Kate, April 2003
Weight loss or gain is not just a physical thing! It is spiritual, emotional, psychological. NOBODY likes to talk about "why" they are overweight, BUT EVERYONE likes to talk about what to do about it. Diets, pills, exercise, surgery, etc... are some of the most popular topics to discuss and it has become its own multi-billion $ industry! I tried all kinds of things before. But, I never really gave it my all. I "tried". I would always give up and give in to my cravings or my need to comfort myself with food. God had been dealing with my heart for a long time, and basically what happened is I finally decided to give in and cooperate with Him. As soon as I had Lucy Kate (2003), I began to ask GOD what to do and what to change instead of listening to what everyone else was telling me. I was desperate! I figured He made this body and He knew what would work.God is SO gracious and kind. He took me by the hand and we began to address just one thing at a time. The very first thing He told me to do was to change all "white bleached flour" products to whole wheat and whole grain. That's all. Then after I got that, He had me start exercising everyday. After a couple of weeks, I cut sugar intake to one small dessert a day. As I began to learn how to hear His voice and obey in each little thing, I could tell a change was happening... not on the outside, but on the inside! I had not lost one pound by the end of the first month, and I began to feel discouraged. My brother Enoch was attending Morehead State University at the time and he was studying physical education. I told him that I was not losing and he encouraged me. He said, "Marty, your body is fighting you! You have scared it by making these changes, and it is doing everything it can to hold on to the weight! Don't give up! Keep on! It will give up eventually and you will start losing!" Not a week after our talk, Dad went into the hospital with his heart problems! Boy, was that a KICK IN THE BUTT! I knew that I could not give up. I was 100 lbs. overweight, and there were heart problems, diabetes, cancer, strokes, and all kinds of junk on both sides of my family. I wanted to be there for my kids!!!
I don't want to focus TOO much on the physical part of my story... I want to make sure that you know that the most IMPORTANT THING was God was doing a work on my insides - my heart! My part in all this really was to let Him in to do the work. I had put up "walls" all my life around hurts and idols and pain and sin and abuse and I had dealt with it by shoving it down and anesthetizing myself with FOOD. It was easier to run from the pain and ignore it. In order to really change, I had to be willing to go under the "knife"- the Sword of the Spirit of God's Word and let Him do surgery. I had to be willing to go back and walk through some awful things with Him holding my hand. The Holy Spirit is such a Gentleman! Yes, it hurt to remember the pain, the shame... but He was right there the whole time, HEALING ME and setting me FREE!
My heart began to turn towards Him... I began to truly fall in love with my Savior! I realized that all the I had ever needed was in Him! When I was hurt, I needed HIM! When I sinned and I felt condemned, I needed HIM, not chocolate to drown my sorrows in or to dull the pain. HE HAD THE ANSWERS to ALL the questions! I began to fall in love with the truths in God's Word. The Truth was setting me free from a prison of fat. Seriously!
All of this was important because not only did I need to be thinner and healthier so I could chase my kids around and hold them when they were having a fit or work with them in all the physical ways I needed to, I needed to be sensitive with my ears unclogged so I could hear the Spirit direct me in HOW TO HELP THEM.
You see, everyone seemed to have an opinion on what would be best for my kids (just like everyone has an opinion on how we should lose weight). The internet, the television, doctors, therapists, family, friends... they all wanted to help and so they gave advice on what we should do. "Change their diet..." "Go to such-n-such doctor or therapist or hospital..." "Buy this..." "Put them on medication..." "Give them this supplement..." etc., etc., etc.... I needed to be able to know what GOD was saying. I need His Wisdom because not every child is the same. He created my kids and no One knows them better. What worked for some will not work for all. I have appreciated that others care enough to share the information they could find.
The other reason my weight and our journey with autism is connected is the fact that God was teaching me that I COULD NOT DO ANYTHING WITHOUT HIM! He wanted me to stop trying in my own strength and to learn that the battle is the Lord's! Just like in the story of Gideon, it was good that it seemed impossible for 300 Israelites to win against thousands of enemy soldiers. Just like many other families, we were not given much hope from the world of our kids succeeding at anything. AND, we knew NOTHING! I mean, nothing about autism or what to do. God even warned me about doing too much research... He wanted to receive ALL THE GLORY for the victories He would give us! He wanted me to just obey Him and do what He said whether it made sense or not. For example, He told me to NOT EXERCISE while I lost weight. I stopped after the first two months and as I obeyed, 100 lbs. came off! (It took 2 1/2 years, but it came off.) He has asked me to do some unconventional things with my kids too, and we continue to see victory after victory that can only be attributed to HIM and HIS WORK!
I have been asked so many times "How did you lose the weight?" I even taught a couple of classes trying to share what I had learned (I don't know if I actually helped anyone or not!) My short answer has been, "Bible study and prayer." That is true. But, I really think the best answer is, "I listened when GOD told me what to do. By His strength and grace, I obeyed, and He changed me from the inside out. He may lead you in a totally different way. The most important thing is that you let Him guide you and let Him deal with the real reasons for your weight gain."
Almost to my goal - 2005
This is me in 2008 holding my niece Kayleigh Anne Short.
Last weekend...me and my honey <3
No comments:
Post a Comment