Facing the truth...

There is a fact of life that is finally dawning on me and becoming more real everyday... Jay is about to be a teenager!!!
     I have seen the signs for awhile now... acne... the need for deodorant... getting taller and leaner... caring about girls... his long gangly body barely fitting the length of a couch or his twin bed and he is getting facial hair!!! AHHHH!!!!!!! In my mind, because of dealing with pervasive  developmental delay, I have tricked myself into thinking there was more time.
     Does this sneak up on everyone??? I am blessed to be able to spend all day everyday with my kids and really enjoy every moment. I have always been able to console myself with the thought that "This is how God made life to be - we all grow up and mature and time moves on. I will NOT despair over my babies growing up!" However, this new milestone has been the hardest by far.
     I am sure if your kids are grown you totally get this! I think I have been told hundreds of times by other parents, "Savor each moment! They don't stay little for very long!" That is easier to do when all of the milestones seem to slow down and you get to recognize and truly celebrate each one as you do with a kid with special needs. When they were smaller and we went through a particularly challenging phase, I would have to choose to not think "I can't wait for them to grow up and get past this!" (Well, maybe potty training... I was ready for that to be over!) Usually I just knew in my heart that "this too shall pass" and I just waited and prayed for that time to come. One thing I have learned to be true on this journey is it usually gets worse before it gets better! If its really hard right now, maybe that means "And suddenly" is coming and there will be a breakthrough!!!  Talking, potty training, saying "I love you Mommy", writing, reading, being strong enough to be able to sit still in a chair for a prolonged time... these and countless others have been celebrated! 
     I guess God knew I wouldn't mind because I never wanted to grow up myself. I was never "chomping at the bit" so to speak. I was content to not drive until I was almost 18. I was happy to have younger siblings to give me a good excuse to watch cartoons, play with barbies, and read picture books even into my teens! I have ALWAYS loved being around children, just singing, laughing, learning, and playing. I was content with having more time to do that with my own kids. 
     Even now, they still play with toys and pretend like their younger peers... they still enjoy cartoons and look forward to Saturday morning when they can sit and watch all day! They want to go back to Disney World asap and Michael and I do too! They still find pleasure in simple things and it means the world to me that because they are home schooled, they have not had the pressure from peers to hurry though their childhood.
     NEVERTHELESS, here we are... I can't stop this from happening... JAY IS GROWING UP! He is not that sweet baby boy anymore that always ran away from me as fast as he could go! He walks beside me now, almost looking me straight in the eye. He doesn't need me as much. I can't hold him in my lap. He doesn't want me to grab him and kiss him in public anymore (and I will try not to embarrass him, but I will ALWAYS kiss him!) 
   Speaking of "running away from me"... We were in the waiting room at therapy the other day and there was a sweet grandmother there with her 4 year old grandson. He was excited about going back to see the therapist and he was a slick little booger. He DID NOT want to sit down and wait and he even slipped back into the gym and she had to chase him down. He was strong and she was trying her best to hold him down on her lap. I remember those days VIVIDLY! With Jay and Lucy both, I have spent many an hour just trying to keep them from running away and possibly getting hurt. I have worn myself out making them SIT STILL and OBEY... I knew this sweet lady was tired. My heart went out to her and I said a silent prayer on her behalf.
     The deal is, I need to make peace with this- I can't hold them down in my lap anymore! I know I may secretly mourn the passing of the simpler, easier times of their childhood, but I have got to be able to let them "get up" and grow up into the man and woman of God they are destined to be! I need to continue to guide them with a steady hand. I have to keep my feet on the "Rock" and help them traverse this crazy path of adolescence. Jay himself has been reluctant to grow up. He struggles with wanting to do his "own thing", but he also gets upset when we tell him he is getting tall! He sorta slumps and crouches down when we measure him. When he began home school, he asked me with tears if "9 year olds still play with toys?" I told him that "all men play with toys - the toys just get more and more expensive!" He also did not want to celebrate his birthday that year... he wanted us to sing "A Very Merry Un-birthday " to him when he blew out the candles!
     It is important that I help him understand that God knew what He was doing when He created us to grow and mature and leave the childish things behind... there is a time and season for everything! We have to choose to celebrate and recognize God's hand in it all. God will use me to help calm his fears about all the changes taking place and we will both bravely step into this next season together!
     AND SO, HERE'S TO PUBERTY!!! AND to the grace and strength from God to make it through with JOY and the ability to be more and more independent so they can make their own marks on the world! (pray for me... :)